Physical bullying, unlike cyber-bullying, begins with one person who is usually male, confronting another male. The objective of the bully is to control his victim–actually to “own” his victim. Sometimes the victim is bigger than the bully, but usually it is the other way around. Actually, when the victim is bigger, it boosts the ego of the bully to subdue him. The bully is typically more aggressive and has a meaner disposition than his victim. Bullies are selective in who they pick for victims. Victims usually stand out from others due to some physical trait, is a geek or nerd, and appears weak and non-aggressive to the bully. The bully normally begins by criticizing or teasing his victim to get a reaction. If he gets the desired reaction of emotional upset like whining, complaint or even anger, the next step is to push or hit the victim to get a more physical reaction. If the victim whines further or attempts to run away, the bully feels more in control and will usually become more physical. If the victim runs, the bully will catch and push or knock him to the ground. If the victim stands and whimpers, the bully will push or hit. If the victim does not effectively retaliate physically by punching or kicking, the bully will hit or kick the victim more abusively. Often, the bully will sit straddle on the victim and pin his arms to the ground until the victim gives up and admits that the bully has won. Sometimes the bully will slap or hit the victim in the face as further torment and humiliation. Usually, the bully plays to a crowd of bystanders or to his followers, and the more girls the better because that humiliates the victim more. The more the bully embarrasses and humiliates his prey, the better. Some bullies will even tickle their prey to make them pee in their pants so they can humiliate them about that. From then on, they will tease the victim about “that day when he peed in his pants” for further arousal of shame. The more abuse the bully applies to his victim without retaliation, the more the bully “owns” his victim. What most people do not understand is that the victim will feel and act “owned” for the rest of his life, even if he never sees that particular bully again. The after effects of being bullied are a lot like rape in that the victim is controlled by the same emotions that occurred during the events, which are ultimately helplessness, hopelessness, and despair. For help with your child’s problems with being bullied, being the bully, or with residual effects as an adult who has been bullied, contact us at or email Lane at to set up a free consultation appointment in Metro Atlanta, GA.

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