We have a cat named Grayson, which we address most of the time as Gray. He has this habit of waiting until we are settled in for supper and then he starts pawing on the door to let him out. Last night when I said in my normal voice “Graaaaaaaaay” I noted that it was a tone of disappointment. Listening carefully to my wife’s tone of the same word I also heard the disappointment and said, “We are shaming Gray into not asking to go out.”

This was so simple a realization and given my work as a sales coach it was also a huge revelation as to why so many salespersons do so poorly in sales. I speak of those attitudes and beliefs formed in childhood and later that act as barriers to achievement and here is a perfect example. Imagine a child hearing such a shaming tone like this every day of his or her life. We know that our dogs and cats can discern tones of voice and respond accordingly, so imagine the damage done to children who are shamed continuously in the same ways.

Is shame easy to overcome? No, it is one of the most difficult to discover and overcome, so just hearing tones of disappointment throughout childhood would be enough to sabotage a salesperson throughout the rest of his or her lifetime. Positive thinking is not enough of an anecdote nor is the determination to sell as if to overcome that unknown and unseen demon of self-sabotage. Like I keep saying, only learning to think like the top sales personality is not enough. One must continue to overcome the debilitating scars of childhood and adolescence to become a great achiever and a great salesperson.

Contact us at lanestokes18@yahoo.com for professional counseling for shame issues.


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